Is this it? Is this really what it’s all about?

I’d love to see the little shite on it.

There’s nothing I like more than a snooze on the train on the way to work. I think I deserve it, I get up at 5am and it takes me two hours (door to door) to get to work, one hour fifteen minutes of which is spent at the mercy of Iarnród Éireann (pronounced Ear-in Road Air-inn and directly translated means Iron road Ireland, or Irish Rail, now enough of the cultural nonsense, they’re pissing me off again!). I’ve just sent them a letter.

Customer Relation Department
Northern and Eastern
Iarnród Éireann
Conolly Station
Amien Street
Dublin 1

9^th January 2008

Re:  Downgrade of the 6.04am service Drogheda/Dublin in 2008.

Dear Sir/Madam, 

I am writing to ask you why the quality of the above service has grossly deteriorated in the first week of 2008.

Before the start of this year, this service was a comfortable one where one could relax and more importantly, given the time of the morning it is, nap for a while and upon arrival at Dublin Pearse station feel refreshed and ready to begin work. So far this year though, this has not been the case. The type of carriage that is now on this service is one of the older (sub-standard in my opinion) carriages.

This type of carriage does not have the usual ergonomically designed individual seats, instead it comprises of the two seater bench seats, which look more at home on a 1970’s school bus than on a twenty first century commuter train in what is considered as being the richest country of the EU. Falling asleep on this type of seat is impossible.

 I implore you to restore this service to its former standard, for the sake of my health, the well being of my work colleagues, who are starting to feel the brunt of my non-sleep, for the sake of human decency and, seeing as you have just increased the fare by 5% from today, purely out of respect for your customers who have no other choice but to use this service every day to get to work. I look forward to hearing from you on this matter.  

Yours faithfully,  

Jack McMad

As usual, I bet I don’t hear anything from them.

Ahhh, the joys of working in IT.

As well as generally being me this year I’m going to start a few of campaigns to put a stop to the things that annoy me.

1. As it’s looking like I’ll be commuting to Dublin for another four years, campaign number one is for Quiet Carraiges on trains. Fellow commuters, your lives are not that fucking interesting that you have to share them with a hundred other people every morning. Whether you’re on the phone or talking at your friend, it’s gotta stop! You know who you are, Balbriggan girl, Skerries Goon and Nora Batty and her sister from Rush/Lusk.

2. Speed lanes for pedestrians. People who dawdle and saunter around town get on my tits. Caught up in their own little world with no heed for anyone else, you could be walking behind someone and they just stop dead right in front of you or they walk right across your path forcing you to implement your emercency stop and avoid plan that makes you look like some sort of demented clown. Folks, if I’m out and about walking, it means I have to BE somewhere, get out of my fuckin way! A speed lane with a minimum speed of 8Km/hr is the answer.

3.  Motorists that don’t stop at pedestrian lights will be shot on the spot. What the fuck is it with you people? When your RED light and my GREEN light comes on, it means it’s my fuckin turn to use the road. The crossings at Stephen’s Green/Kildare St and Kildare St/Nassau St are atrocious for motorists ignoring the lights. I have already started crossing as soon as the lights change and any motorist that doesn’t see fit to stop comes away from the encounter with a dented side panel and roof. You’ve been warned!

4. Pedestrians that wander into traffic should be fair game. Usually some doped up skanger or guy in a suit will meander out into traffic and with a wave of his hand will expect you to stop and let him cross. In 2008 I’ll be campaigning for a points system, not a penalty points system, a points system where you get points for each wanderer you mow down. More points for the doped up skanger as they waste valuble resources. At the end of the year you cash your points in and get a discount off your roadtax or car insurance.

 5. Umbrellas should be banned or at the very least, the people carrying them should be charged with assault with a deadly wapon. I’m just at the right height to lose an eye or get stitches in my neck. If it’s raining, wear a raincoat you stupid fucker. If I can’t get them banned, I’m going to walk around carrying a big stick with metal spikes protruding from it. See how you like it then!  

That’s about it for now, this list maybe ammended at any stage. Happy fuckin New Year to youse all!